I am making myself write this post. I need to move on. I am searching for peace inside of me. I am going to be pretty real here so be prepared. A few weeks ago my depression started to rear its ugly head again, I have heard that after a year certain drugs "poop out" and you need a boost. Well, that is where I was, at about a year after my meltdown of 2009, after losing my Dad, father in law, and Grandma, I was a mess. Then all was good again thanks to my Dr's. Until a few weeks ago. I could feel it coming on. So I took action, asked for help and started feeling like myself almost immediately again. I had a fear of being alone, the thought of it was putting me over the edge, so, my mother in law and my mom have came to my rescue, I have not been alone since. On days when hubby works, they are here with me. I am so grateful!!! On a Friday I was seen by my Dr, I had to beg her to over book me because I said I did not want to wait until Monday. Intuition I guess. Because ironically, on Monday my mom and I were out shopping, hubs was off and had made a quick trip to lunch with us, came home and found our house was broken into. It kills me to even write that. So much has been taken, not so much possessions but our sense of security and protection. I don't want to get into the details on here, I am really having a hard time putting this stuff out there for the world to see. My home does not feel like ours anymore, we are scared, nervous, pit in my stomach all the time kind of emotions. My hubby is a police officer, we try to be safe and secure, it did not matter.
I am trying to make this feel like our home again and not like it has been violated. We put our tree up the other day, something is just missing. I am praying that I we will feel a sense of peace again, we loved our home, our neighbors etc. It just feels like a place to house all of our things now. This is the time of year that I should be decorating, making everything pretty and warm. I am trying, I will not let them win, I am so thankful that I went on stronger meds, I do not know how I would have gotten through this without them. I do not like to take meds but I know when I am not myself and I do not want to be that person for my family. This has been another diffucult year for us, with Dayton's surgeries, mom's cancer and now this. A month from today will be 2011, I am ready to put this year behind us. The snow is flying today for the first time, giving everything a beautiful white coating, making things look clean and pure. I need a fresh start.
Please pray for me and my family, that we can feel comfortable in our own home again.
31 comments:
I am so sorry this happened to you. I am saying a prayer for you to get your equalibrium back in this hard time in your life. I dealt with depression years ago when we were told wouldn't be having anymore children. Sorrow and grief. I could feel myself "going under". Just do what you need to do to feel better and safe.
Leslie,
I'm praying you find that peace & security again. the family has had several trying years. Even in all the sadness, highs & even more lows--GOd is with us..& he has made us a strong family. Know i'm praying for all of you.
love you
tami
Leslie,
I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I hope peace finds you.
I am so sad to read this post today. Your family has been traumatized at a time of year that should be just the opposite. I am praying for you that you can sense God's presence in the sadness and loss.
Fondly,
Glenda
I am so sorry you are having to go thru this, especially during the holidays. I somewhat know what you're going thru. Five years ago I was home alone, my husband worked 3rd shift at the time, I was asleep around midnight and woke up to our bedroom windows being broke out. It took all my strength to run to the kitchen to call 911 as I could not find my glasses and the phone wasn't working in the bedroom. They broke our living room, bedroom, back door window and garage windows. It was devastating and we never did find out who did it. We were in the process of building a new home at the time and put in a security system. I will be praying for you and your family................. safety and just that horrible feeling that you're going thru.
Love and prayers ~ Karen
I feel so terrible for you!! You and your family will be in my prayers. I am sorry all of this has happened to you. Take care of yourself and your family.
So sorry to hear your woes are on going. I have been praying that you and your family find peace. The last 2 years have been hell for you. I pray again that you find the solitice you need and the comfort and safe being you want. Depression is a hard thing to shake. I tried getting off my drugs this past summmer but I could not do it. I started down that big black hole again. so I went back on them. and I am fine. Take care and if yiou ever need something please do not hesitate to call....
It brings tears to my eyes to hear how you are hurting. My prayers are with you, sweetie. Jesus can bring a peace beyond our understanding. I will pray for your peace and security and healing.
I do understand your sad spells I too have them and I am so sorry its happening at such a time as this.So I am in prayer for you that your mind is still and your heart is open to a personal revival.The spirits will allow peace in your home again. Wait on him...
I will keep you and your family close in my heart and prayers. I too battle depression but feel better with the help of medication. I will be praying for you and your family and with Gods help I hope that you find peace and security again.
God Bless you,
Jeanette
I am so so sorry this has happened to you. I will be praying for peace for all of you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Leslie,
My prayers are with you and your family. Please try and remember that God holds you in his arms and that you are loved and he wants you to know that he is there for you. You are loved and cared about by me, I send you hugs and my prayers too. I know that many people care and love you that you may not know in person. We are out here listening and really do care.
Sharing your personal concerns is a good thing and will help you to find strength through these uncertain days. I am glad that you called your mom(s) and they are there for you. You are a strong and beautiful woman inside and out. I know that there will be peace for you and your family, please keep on sharing and we and I will be there for you.
Always, Teresa T.
http://Ritasramblingranch.blogspot.com
I applaud and thank you for your honesty. So many others feel as you do but think they are alone. Good Luck to you and your family. Good things are on the horizon!
Leslie,
Thanks so much for your honesty. So sorry for all that you've been going through. Wishing you and your family peace, good health, and assurance. Thinking of you in my thoughts and prayers, Wendy
Leslie! I am sooo sooo sorry this happened to you. My house in FL was broken into and all of our stuff was gone through. It is a horrible feeling and it leaves you feeling violated and vulnerable. The only thing I could do to get through that was to pray for peace. I would pray over and over again...God, please restore peace to my soul and let me forgive the people that did this-even though they don't deserve forgiveness. As long as I held on to that fear and anger (and anger will come)THE THIEVES were the ones in control...and they had ENOUGH of me-I did not want them to have control of my every thought/every moment. I thanked God too..that no one was hurt.
I know it is especially hard when your hubby is a policeman. My daughter-in-law is a Federal agent and I worry about her every day of life. I pray for peace for my son's peace of mind and for her safety every single day.
When something like this happens I think we feel like we are all alone sometimes. I hope that you know how much you are loved and supported not only by family but by those of us here that care about you.
Hang in there, honey...better times are coming! Hugs..xxoo Diana
ooopps- wanted to add..there is NO shame in taking medications...and for all those people that tell you that you don't need medicine...that God can take care of those things for you- He DID- He made Doctors that made medicines to help! and that's all I'm gonna say 'bout that!
Oh, Leslie - my heart just breaks for you, sweetie. You must remember that you are taking the first important step to emotional healing by sharing it all with us out here. That's big. It means that you are stronger than you think you are. I know it's easy for me to say, but through this horrifying event God will strengthen you. He was there, you know. He made sure that nobody got hurt.
I will definitely be praying for you to feel His healing power in you, Leslie. That you will be able to relax into His arms and know that HE is the one that will make your house your home once again. His presence is stronger than any criminal. He's there for you, friend. Keep your chin up and your eyes focused on Him alone...... :) Hugs ----
xoxo laurie
I am so very sorry Leslie. This happened to my parents last year about this time. It was devastating for them. Especially my mom. I'm so sorry you've been feeling blue. I feel for you. And I will pray for your family.
Hey...I think that this is the second time that I've seen your blog.
I have had a home broken into twice. Once, they hung out in my room and ate food and it was awful. It takes time, but eventually, it feels home again.
In the meantime, pour the wine!
Thinking of you and your family, sending hugs and prayers your way....my family is going through some pretty awful stuff right now (the holidays~ of all the times!) and I won't talk about it on my blog but it is very stressful and painful and a bit surreal at times. "And this too, shall pass."
Keep your chin up, you have a lot of support and people that care about you!!
~michelle~
My thoughts are with you Leslie and hope each day gets better. Nice to know you are surrounded by your loving family. I understand something about depression and live close to it every day with one of my very favorite people in this world. I hope for good things for you, and know there are many of us thinking of you.
Rebecca x
oh sweetie, even though i already knew about this prior to reading, for some reason,your words just touched my heart. im sitting here in tears.
first of all, i am just sorry this happened.
but i am so thankful that you shared what you've shared. depression is real & does not need to be stuffed under the rug. i know you will touch man with your honesty.
i know hearing that doesn't make it all better. i remember hearing those words when i was a new widow &thinking , well i'm so glad my sadness will encourage someone else. but it does. & it will be better.
you have been in my prayers since you touched base.
i wish i were closer cuz i'd be there squeezing your neck.
ps. i have my #6 candle & my little bottle of shells right beside my bed as a reminder of what a precious friend you are
xo
What a terrible and shocking experience but you are right..you can not let them steal your joy. God can restore your peace and joy...give all your worries to Him who is in control of all things.
Pray, pray, pray and when you cant let others know you need them to do it for you...You are surrounded by love....try to refocus...be blessed. Dianntha
I am very sorry.
God cares about you, his
mighty hands will hold you
and comfort you.
I pray that peace and security
will soon be in your heart.
Kindly,
Chris Ann
treehouse.queen18(atyahoodotcom)
Bless your heart!!!!
In the last year I had depression and know how very real it is. I didn't want to be alone either.
I will pray for your family. God is my comforter...He never left me alone in my low times.
Leslie, praying for you and your family. I truly hope you can find peace and a bit of your security back.
I too fight depression, and it is so good that you are reaching out to others for help. Just know that this too will pass, it only temporary, and that as we journey through this life with this disease that you make it. That being said, we too had our house broken in to, two years ago. You do feel violated, frightened, unsure of yourself and your surroundings. But as time goes on it will get better. Please know that my wife and I will pray for you and your family. Do not let this one situation, and I had to come to terms with this.... it is only ONE situation, so do NOT let it spoil you and your families Christmas celebration. Fight the urge to give up, and just fight. As a side note, our home was broken it to in July, and they took all of my wifes jewelery, and some cash that we had in the house. Fast forward to the end of October of the same year. We come home from work, and we always enter our home through the back door, we opened the front door to let the dog out and I find a plastic bag tied up laying on the threshold of our home, I open it and find a note that just says " Sorry , hard times, it says nothing eles, but there in that bad is ALL of my wifes jewelery, birthday presents, anniversary presents, heirloom pieces...... I tell you this so that you can know that something good WILL come out of this, just believe and pray.....
Blessings to you and yours
Curtis & Sherrie
My best friend had a man break in to her home on Christmas eve and try to attack her. I've spent a year helping her deal and heal. So happy you were not home!! Christmas can be depressing because we're expected to feel so much and be happy. But I think it's the year when most people feel low. Feel better,out back the good feeling in your home and have a Merry Christmas!
Oh sweet, sweet Leslie. I have tears in my eyes just thinking of your pain and anxiety. I am so glad youp ut this out there. I will PRAY big time for you and I wish I could put my arms around you and hug you.
All my love,
Kim
Bless your sweet heart! Christmas time can sometimes, unfortunately, be a sad time when you feel vulnerable. I know when the holidays hit, my anxiety always flares up, as well. Hang in there! God created good doctors to help, so good for you for getting what you need! Walk by faith.. not by sight. Although it seems there is no hope on the horizon, God will cradle you until you feel like your old self again. Hang in there! Praying for you, sweet girl!Email if you need to! jessicaabarnes@yahoo.com
Jessica from Arkansas
Love you Leslie!!
Sending hugs across the miles.
Please know you are never alone as I write this it is also a reminder to myself. I face a battle every day of putting on my happy face. I stress and worry about things I should just be handing over to God. The things we can't change don't belong to us, hold tight to everything else. In my prayers. Patty
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